Failure to Look at the Baby: Part 3 - Threats

I had a cold on top of allergies and after 5 days of suffering was looking for relief. Kellymom.com told me that Sudafed would not harm my baby and I'd taken it while pregnant, so I went ahead and took it. Every 4-6 hours.

We left for vacation on day 6 of this "cold" and the Sudafed didn't even seem to be helping anymore, but I took it anyway hoping to breathe. We drove through the night on a 14 hour trip to North Carolina to stay with family for a week. Lukas and I sat in the back seat together. I brought along my pump and a bottle of milk. I bottle-fed him the first bottle and then pumped the next one when he was finished so I'd have it ready for the next feeding.

While we were there, I kept up with my usual stash-building pumping. In the morning after his first feeding and before bed after his last. I had the nipple shield along "just in case", but he was really nursing without it at this point. We went to the beach and I nursed him on the beach. We went on banana boats and I nursed him while we signed the consent forms to go. I wore him around as we visited art galleries and I nursed him there, too. We supplemented a couple of times, but for the most part, we just nursed. I had my trusty Boppy and my bottles of Fenugreek and Goat's Rue--we were good to go.

I visited a clinic on our second day there for my week-long "cold" to learn that I had a sinus infection. The doctor there seemed perfectly knowledgeable and understanding when I told him I was a nursing mom with a 3-month-old. He put me on a 10-day cycle of antibiotics that were safe to take while breastfeeding. Perfect!

On our last days there, Lukas seemed less willing to take the breast. I tried the nipple shield, but it didn't seem to help at all. I went ahead and fed him as best I could, then topped him off with pumped milk as usual. We were going home soon and I could visit J and straighten him back out.

Then came our fateful drive home. I still wasn't feeling 100%. Lukas was being extra fussy. I begged my husband to stop and make it a two-day trip, but he and his step-dad chose to keep driving. I was in the back seat with Lukas again. I pumped...almost nothing came out. I pumped every 1-2 hours the entire trip home and was barely making enough to fill his bottles. We made it home around 3am on my very first Mother's Day.

I'd taken Sudafed for a week. My milk was nearly gone. I was literally pumping drops. Lukas was refusing to nurse. We went in to see J and weigh Lukas. I told her what was going on. She told me that anti-histamines can decrease milk supply. Lukas was on a nursing strike. He'd only gained an ounce in the week we'd been gone. Dr. F wanted us to come in immediately.

I explained to him that I'd been sick and my milk supply was down. I told him that Lukas was on a nursing strike. He told me to pump and bottle-feed exclusively. He told me to log all of Lukas's feedings so we could see what he was taking in. He told me that he wanted to have Lukas's blood drawn to make sure there wasn't something wrong with his liver or something. I talked to J about it. I saw Dr. Fe again. They couldn't give me an answer--this was something I had to come up with on my own. I decided that I didn't want to give up on the breast knowing that we were in the middle of a nursing strike. I would log his feeds at the breast and log how much I was supplementing, but I wouldn't give up breastfeeding completely. I was NOT having blood drawn on my healthy baby. I wanted to wait another week to see how he did before we decided to get blood drawn. I called Dr. F to let him know. It was a Tuesday and he wasn't in. I diligently kept my log and awaited a call back. Surely, he'd be pleased with this reasonable decision I'd made. We could all be happy and my baby could be fed.

Lukas was refusing the breast and I was pumping nothing but drops. My stash was dipping painfully low. I went to J's for more some More Milk Plus--I'd run out of Goat's Rue. I couldn't wait to talk to her (forgetting she was only in on Thursdays). As I pulled in, I got the call from Dr. F. He was clearly angry, but composed. He told me that he didn't agree with my decision and that we'd waited long enough. He told me that if I didn't do what he said, he'd have to file a report saying that we were endangering Lukas. I held back tears as I explained yet again that Lukas was on a nursing strike and I was trying to rebuild my supply and get him back to the breast. I told him again that I didn't want to put him through a blood draw. He told me that my only other option was to see a pediatrician and get a second opinion. I told him that I'd already been seeing Dr. Fe. He told me that she was a family doctor and that didn't count. I told him I didn't know any pediatricians. He said he'd refer me to one. There was only one in our area--Dr. M. HE made the appointment for me. I hung up and burst into tears. The doctor that I'd trusted wasn't listening to me and, worse, was threatening to take my baby from me. I was powerless to stop it.

Failure to Look at the Baby: Part 2 - Breastfeeding Help

Somehow, time rolled along as it tends to do and Lukas was suddenly 2 months old! I'd managed to get him to nurse from my breast as long as I used the nipple shield. At this point I was content to use the nipple shield until he weaned as long as he would drink from my breast. He nursed all the time, it seemed, and wet constantly so I knew he was getting plenty of milk. He fussed; I offered the breast. Yeah, it was tiring, but it worked and I knew he wasn't hungry if he was eating himself into oblivion every time (which he was). The only time he slept during the day was when he'd nursed himself to sleep in my arms. Often, he'd keep sucking and just drool the excess milk out his nose while he slept.

I happened to discover that I was using the wrong size flange when I pumped and he seemed to have a harder time nursing on the right side, so I thought maybe a different size nipple shield might help him nurse more easily. Luckily, there was a local breastfeeding boutique that sold all sorts of supplies and just happened to be run by the hospital's lactation consultant. I sent an email asking if she had what I was looking for. She not only went out of her way to find what I needed, but also suggested I come in so she could check out my pump and see if she could help get Lukas off the shield. I thought, "Yeah, SURE you can get him off the shield. Whatever, crazy lady.", but she'd been so nice and helpful that I agreed to go in anyway.

We met with J two days before Lukas's two-month check-up. We went over his birth, she looked him over, weighed him, and helped me try to nurse both with and without the shield. She even looked at my pump and gave me suggestions on ways to pump more effectively. She seemed confident that he was doing well, despite the dependency on a nipple shield, and so was I. I agreed to come back next week and work more with her on getting him to nurse without the shield.

I was in good spirits as I took Lukas in for his check-up. We had the doctor we'd wanted, we were past jaundice with it's heel pricks and bili blankets, we didn't need to supplement his feedings, and we were finally just starting to get the hang of this parenting thing. But that all came crashing down as soon as the doctor put him on the scale. Lukas only weighed 9lbs 9oz. As soon as the doctor saw the number, it became his focus. I was left with an image that will never leave my mind: Lukas lying on the scale with Dr. F standing next to him. Lukas had hold of Dr. F's finger and was pulling it around while smiling and cooing up at him. Dr. F was looking at me sternly and asked if Lukas was smiling yet. It took a few seconds for my brain to process that he was not joking. An alarm went off in my head, but I didn't know what else to do.

Despite the fact that my son had grown 4 inches in two months, was gaining weight, was meeting all of his milestones (and then some), and regardless of me telling the doctor REPEATEDLY that both Andrew and I were long and slender as babies and children, the doctor told me that the weight was a concern. He wanted me to go back to supplementing. Two ounces after every feeding. And he wanted me to cut Lukas off after 10 minutes on each side because he was just sucking to suck at that point and not eating any longer (which I knew was not true). I went home and gave it a try. Lukas's hunger shrieks as I pulled him away from the breast only solidified my knowledge that he wasn't just sucking to suck. He wanted us to come in for weekly weigh-ins and then have a 3-month check-up to reassess.

I told J everything when I went back to her and she jumped in to help. She offered up her scale for the weekly weigh-ins to save us the extra trips and co-pays. She made the calls to the doctor's office so I wouldn't have to. She worked diligently with us to get him off the shield and help him learn to suck more efficiently so he wouldn't take 45 minutes - 1.5 hours at each feeding. We did switch feeding (5 minutes on one side, 5 minutes on the other, 5 minutes on the first again, 5 minutes on the second, finished up with a 15 minute pumping session and feeding him anything I managed to express) and compressions to speed him up. After the first week, she had me change the switch feed to 10 minutes a side as long as he was still nursing well and not messing around at the breast. She also put a call in to another local doctor who specialized in breastfeeding to see if we could get a consultation with her. Unfortunately, she was on vacation and we couldn't get in to see her for another month.

By the time he was 3 months old, we were rarely using the shield and he was spitting up every time we supplemented.

We saw Dr. Fe for the first time. She spent a good hour and a half listening to our story and talking with us. She agreed that he seemed strong and healthy. He was just thin like his Mommy and Daddy. We made the decision to stop supplementing and let him nurse like a "normal" baby.

We saw Dr. F. He still wanted to see some more "meat on those bones" (complete with rib pinches). I let him know that we'd met with Dr. Fe for a consult and what had gone on there and I let him know that we'd been working with J as well and told him about all the progress we'd made. He wanted us to keep up with the weekly weigh-ins. I let him know that we would be going on vacation for a week, but we'd weigh him as soon as we got back.

I came down with the first sinus infection of my life.

We left for vacation.