It seems to me like the women I know who had an easy time breastfeeding in the beginning are the first to give it up and switch over to formula for the "vainer" reasons. Which makes me wonder--why?
No, these women didn't have to fight for it, but theoretically the actual experience is the same. The closeness with the baby, the bonding, all those perks of breastfeeding that we see listed over and over again are the same for everyone, aren't they?
As human beings, do we need to feel like we "won" in order to fully enjoy the reward we receive? Is it that those of use who struggled in the beginning want to make the most of what we have because we realize how close we came to losing it?
I do not begrudge a woman the right to her own body. Trust me, when I go out without the baby for a night, no matter what the destination, I'm sure to put on "normal" clothes. I actually make an effort to wear something that isn't easy to nurse in. Anything that's cut too low, or that zips or buttons up, or is loose enough to raise easily is out of the picture. Nursing bras are left behind. That necklace my husband bought me last Valentine's Day that scratches up Lukas's face when he lays his head on my chest goes on. It's not because I want to hide that I have a baby or pretend that he doesn't exist for one night--it's because I want to feel like my body belongs to me and I can do with it as I please. I get that.
I also understand that pumping is a pain in the you-know-what. I've never met anyone who enjoys pumping. The only time that I personally didn't hate pumping was when I was pumping every night before bed for physical comfort and that was my 10 minutes of alone time to read and unwind. I can't imagine how annoying and unpleasant it is for working mothers to have to pump on breaks and at lunch. To feel rushed and inconvenienced and just plain stuck. It must be very burdensome.
But I also know how amazing it feels to nurse my baby after being away from him for a long stretch. It's so great to be able to reconnect physically through nursing. I can't imagine feeling as though I need to give that up because I wanted to wear "normal" clothes all the time or because pumping was so inconvenient.
There are other reasons I've heard, as well. Bottle feeding's just easier, for example. Nope. Think of all that extra work handling bottles and preparing food. Breasts are right there and the milk comes ready-made with no expiration date or extra handling required.
Formula-feeding helps the baby sleep longer at night. Not true, either. Trust me, while we were struggling in the beginning, Lukas got formula at night. He slept just as terribly those nights as he did the nights he received breast milk.
This is not meant to bash formula-feeding moms. As I've stated before, I completely understand that breastfeeding does not always work out. What I have yet to understand is when it is working out (very well, in fact), but the mother decides to stop because she thinks it would be somehow more convenient or easier on both parties if she were no longer nursing. The strange justifications I have heard honestly confuse me and I often wonder whether the mother is trying to give her reasoning to me, or justify the decision to herself.
I find it hardest to hear about babies and moms who were nursing well but stopped and then the baby began struggling with intolerances to formula, gas issues, constipation...any number of ailments that were avoided while the nursing relationship was still going strong, but have now been (unnecessarily?) thrust upon the infant.
Is lack of information the problem? Lack of support and understanding? Why do mothers who obviously wanted to nurse--who had a good, sound, joyful nursing experience suddenly feel the need to give it all up? Is there an outside pressure that's being put on them? Is it even a problem at all, or am I just reading more into it than is there to read?
Do we all just need to have a harder time nursing in order to want to keep nursing?
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