Calming the Beast

Until a few weeks ago, I was under the impression that all the patience people told me I had was a facade. Patient? Me? Maybe before Lukas was born, but now I'm easily angered and snap at the drop of a hat. It felt like my anger was a huge beast the lay sleeping just beneath the surface all the time. In an instant it could lift its head and take control. Then one day at play group, one of the other moms who was experiencing a rather difficult time with her toddler confided to us the rage she felt at times. Instantly, we all opened up to her. We all felt that way! We all felt the same rage and frustration. Sometimes we just needed to slam doors or break things. 

Parenthood is tiring. I eats away at us because it is constant. We don't always get the breaks we need and when we do get breaks, they aren't always when we need them the most. 

Parenthood is hard. It's life-changing. We have to balance our own needs with the needs of a child who will remain wild and societally shapeless for years. 

Last week, I read an article in Mothering Magazine that discussed the topic of dealing with anger and teaching our children to deal with anger through example. The author, Tera Freese, described how she learned to deal with her anger by treating it like a new baby. No matter what important thing she might be doing when the anger awoke, she had to stop and deal with it first. She recognized that in any situation, she was only able to control herself and her reactions. She learned to vocalize so that her daughters would understand what was going on. "I am angry." She did breathing exercises and taught them to do the same when they were angry. My favorite is what she calls the "Snake Breath"-- breathing in deeply through the nose then "hissing" as you exhale. She created a "nest" at the end of the couch that she and her girls could go to when they needed to get away and deal with their anger.  The article was packed with phenomenal ideas about how to manage anger and teach our children to do the same. 

It's good to know I'm not alone, but I still need a lot of practice if I don't want my son to think I'm the beast.